Packing for a year

I leave for Nigeria in 3 days and it still feels surreal that I am actually leaving.  You would think I would be used to the idea after waiting for 7 and a half months.  But actually, I think the longer wait made it more surreal because I had time to grow accustom to life in Michigan again.  I saw God provide , reveal, and restore a lot of things in a lot of areas in my life.

Also, I hate packing, especially packing for a year.  I got all of my clothes in one suitcase and felt really good.  Then I looked around and had a ton of piles of random things that at some point this fall I thought to myself "hmmm, better not get rid of that, I might bring it to Nigeria with me".  So, I just started throwing random stuff in and decided I would stop putting stuff in when there was no more room.  Sounds like a really good idea, right? I thought so...

Anyways, ready or not, I am leaving on Sunday! Talk to you from Nigeria.

My room my looks chaotic, but it is organized chaos, I think....

My sister's room that I took over for packing

How I feel about packing for a year...

P.S. If you want to receive monthly newsletters and email updates I don't post to my blog, please send me an email at awellemeyer@back2back.org.

Crying and Wrestling

Fair Warning: I am going to be honest, I have no idea where this entry is going to end up, but just try to stick with me through it (any of you that know me know that I can have a hard time articulating my point because lots of times I don't exactly know what my point is, but in the end something always comes out, whether or not it is good is always up for debate).  I will not blame you if you quit reading now.

   I would never label myself a "crier".  However, for some reason for the last month dampness on my cheeks has been a familiar feeling.  I start crying while driving to tutoring and crying when I'm at church and even crying when my family is watching the stupid X-Factor for goodness sake!
    I don't hate crying.  In all honesty, I think crying is a truly beautiful thing.  It expresses raw emotion that transcends words. People say that a picture is worth a thousand words; well I think crying is worth a million. It can be a healing process within itself as well as a release.
     My biff is not with crying itself.  I just hate it when I am the one doing the crying with no control whatsoever about when and how it comes.  Me and crying have had a battle for many years now.  It seems like whenever I want to cry I can't, and whenever I don't want to cry is the exact moment that I feel the pressure building up at the inside corner of my eyes (like that time I cried all the way through my sharing about Nigeria in front of Red Door Church.  Giff seriously asked me if I wanted him to finish for me. Talk about embarrassing!)  I hate crying in front of other people when I am crying about myself.  It really is the worst.  Or actually the worst is when you are crying in front of someone and you honestly have no idea why you are crying.  That is what I really hate.  It probably has to do with my independent and strong nature, in other words, my pride.  It makes me feel selfish, stupid, and weak.  It makes me feel out of control.
    This realization has caused me to look at crying in a new way because I think God is using the recent and frequent streams of water flowing out of my eyes as a way of wrestling with me like he wrestled with Jacob.  Seems kinda crazy, but stick with me here for a moment.
     God's wrestling with Jacob (Gensis 32) is one of my most recent favorite stories in the Bible.  There are so many intricate details about this story that blow my mind, but I am just going to give you the short version of one aspect of the story.  The name "Jacob" means "he grasps the heel", which is a figurative way of saying "he deceives".  If you read Jacob's story (Gensis 25-32) that is his identity.  He is a deceiver.  He cheats his brother out of both his birthright and his father's blessing.  When Jacob's father is old and getting ready to give his blessing to Jacob's brother Esau, Jacob dresses up like his brother.  His father asks him who he is and he says "I am Esau, your firstborn" which is a bold-face lie. Jacob is trying to be someone he is not in order to get something that is not rightfully his.  Years later, after he has wrestled with the man all night, Jacob is at a place of ultimate weakness, but he is still striving on his own power to get something. The man says it is time for him to leave.  Jacob says he will not let him leave until he blesses him. The man asks him "What is your name?" Deja vu for Jacob  right?  This time though, after wrestling with God, Jacob is able to answer honestly.  He admits his name is Jacob, a deceiver.  It is only after Jacob is honest with himself and with God that God is able to begin working with him.  God gives Jacob a new name, "Israel", which means "he has striven with God".  Do you see the huge transformation that took place once Jacob was able to be honest.  Not only was his name changed, but his identity was changed, and the way he went about life was changed. He changed from striving through his own efforts which led him to deception, to striving WITH God.  He was able to partner with God to do God's work and fulfill his purpose all because God brought him to a place of weakness and in response to the weakness, Jacob chose honesty and surrender.
     I say that my recent crying is like God wrestling with me because it is bringing me to a place of humility.  It is challenging me to be honest with myself and God.  It has caused me to dig really deep and get to a point where I can admit to the existence a lot of crap in my heart that I have been adamant about denying for a long time (did you catch that?  I'm not even at the point where I am dealing with it yet, I am just starting to admit that it exists).  I am at a place like Jacob was when the man asked him "What is your name?"  Am I going to answer "My name is Anna, a strong, independent, self-sufficient person who can make it on her own", or am I going to answer "My name is Anna, a daughter of El Elyon, the God Most High, who needs the grace and assistance of my Creator"?  I am seeing more clearly that I want to respond in the second way because I want to strive with God.  I want to surrender my own control because, just how Jacob's striving led him to being a deceiver, being in control leads me to being someone that I don't want to be, someone that I wasn't meant to be.  It leads me to being numb, judgmental, and cynical.  It strips away the very gifts of mercy, grace, love and child-likeness that God has given me to help spread his kingdom here on Earth.  So, right now I am saying that I don't want control because I don't want to be that person because that person does not fulfill her purpose of giving glory to God.  Glorifying God is where all true joy springs up because it is the root of what we all were created to do. That is what my soul actually longs for and desires.

   That is all I have for now.  This is not at all where I was expecting to end up, nor do I think it is the actual end of this topic. If you made it this far through my ramblings I congratulate you once again like I have before in other entries.

Egg-cellent News!!!!!!

    I got an email from Mama Betty this week that brought me so much joy!  She was writing to let me know that a few eggs have appeared in the chicken coop meaning only one thing.... THE CHICKENS ARE FINALLY LAYING EGGS!!!!!!!

A picture of 39 eggs Maurice collected one morning from
the precious chickens!

   Waiting for these chicks to lay eggs has really grown my patience!  When we were told that it would take about 20 weeks for the chicks to start laying, for some reason it didn't register to me that it meant they wouldn't start laying until October!  I was ready for eggs in August.  But, the Lubangas have done such a wonderful job being faithful and taking care of those precious chicks that I can imagine they are even more excited than I am about the arrival of the eggs.
   Since the email, I have talked to Mama Betty about 3 times on the phone this week eagerly getting updates.  One day Mama Betty told me she spent the whole day taking care of the chicks - she is as excited as I am about them!  The first day the chicks laid about 6 eggs.  The picture that Maurice sent me from a fews days later has 39 eggs he collected in one morning!  It is "normal" for between 85% and 90% of your chickens to lay eggs everyday once they are in full swing.  So, hopefully in the next few weeks we will be collecting 180 eggs every day to sell!  Can you imagine???
   We have also decided that since we have an empty chicken coop now (the one we raised the baby chicks in before they were moved to the new coop) that we are going to purchase 100 broilers (which are chickens that we can raise and sell for their meat).  These chicken have a quicker turn-over and hopefully we can sell them by January-ish.  We are excited about this project too and I am hoping that some of the student teachers that are there now will also contribute to this project.
   I wanted to thank everyone who donated to the chicken project before.  I hope you are just as excited as I am that the chickens you helped purchase are now a money-making machine that will help Epico Jahns be more self-sustaining.  Mama Betty and I decided that the money collected from the project will be split between paying for food for the students at the school and paying the teachers' salaries.
   So, Asante Sana (thank you very much in kiSwahili)!  I will keep you all updated on the project as I hear more from Mama Betty!

Micah

    Many of you know, but many of you may not know (to be honest I have no idea who even reads my blog anyways), a friend and inspiration of mine, Micah Magnusson, passed away almost 2 months ago. This is a prayer that I wrote following Micah’s death. To read more about Micah and the journey God took him on, you can explore his care pages site at http://www.carepages.com/carepages/MicahMag/updates.

Father,

   On Wednesday August 22, 2012 a gentle and strong brother of the faith was taken home to you.  You must be so happy to have Micah with you finally.  It must give you such joy to see your child finally fully healed and completely redeemed.  Lord, I envy the time he is getting to spend with you, but you are above time and we will all be together for eternity and I praise you for that. 

            Father, it brings tears of joy to my eyes and an overwhelming gladness fills my heart when you give me visions of Micah running, climbing, talking, laughing, and shouting.  Lord it is a sweet picture and sound my mind gets to experience and I thank you that you have given me that joy amongst the sadness.

            Lord, I think what makes me most sad is that you didn’t choose to heal Micah here on Earth.  So many of your children had this relentless hope and belief that you would do it.  Lord, every time I was around him my mind was flooded with images of him laughing and walking again.  I saw him miraculously getting up out of that dang chair and just walking across the living room, like no big deal.  I saw it with my mind, but it makes me sad that I didn’t get to see it with my eyes.

            God, I know you could have done that and you would have been so glorified, but you have also been so glorified in Micah’s death.  Your children praised you time and time again at Micah’s funeral.  You were given glory upon glory for your unfathomable love, grace, and faithfulness.  Hundreds of people got to hear the good news that there is One that can satisfy the soul.  Hundreds of people got to hear and witness your strength that held the Magnussons together.  Hundreds of people got to hear that you, Jesus, are the only reason that Micah and the Magnussons could hold on to hope for so long and with such passion and determination.

            There is a song by Gungor called “This is Not the End”.  It declares that this is not the end, that we can open our mouth wider and that we will shine brighter.  I don’t believe that Micah’s death is the end of the impact that he is going to have on your creation here on Earth.  We will open our mouths wider sharing his story, and in turn sharing your story for your beloved creation.

            Lord, I am sad that I didn’t get to see any of those visions of Micah come to be here on Earth with my physical eyes.  But God, you are pushing me to have hope that is even more relentless than before because it is a hope that I will have to hold on to all the days of my life.  It is a hope that you are faithful and your plan is to redeem and restore all of your children.  Lord please give me this relentless hope.  Thank you. I praise you.

Holding on to Truths

God loves me. God is faithful.
Always.
God is the Restorer. God is Sovereign.
God deserves all the glory.

These are Truths that I am holding on to during this season.

Back in the US (again)

    I honestly have no idea how it has been almost 2 months since I last posted! Seriously, I feel like I just got off the plane and stepped back onto US soil yesterday, when it actually was a month ago.  However, time always seems to do that to me. I am now back in the US for the summer until I move to Jos, Nigeria in September.  I think knowing that I am going back to Nigeria is helping me enjoy being home now.
    The rest of my stay in Kenya was just fantastic.  My mom and sister came to visit me on the farm!  This was so special to me that they got to meet my Kenyan family and really experience true rural Kenyan life in Kabula.  About a day and a half before they arrived I decided that class 4 should put on a play for them (you know me always doing things last minute!).  So, class 4 and I rehearsed the play a total of 2 times through.  To be honest, I had my doubts about whether or not this crazy idea of ours was going to be a success or a flop.  During the rehearsals we had quite a few difficulties with them acting (which is something that I think is pretty foreign to them). Also, they can be super shy when it comes to speaking up in front of adults, especially new adults.  So, you can see where my apprehension came in.  However, never has a teacher been prouder or her students than I was after the kids had performed for my mother and sister!  They did a great job!  They were goofy when they needed to be goofy and were organized.  It was just great!

   The play was called "The Dancing Competition" so after the play my students showed off some of their moves, which proved just as hilarious as the first time I saw them dancing during the first week I was in Kenya.  Their facial expressions are simply priceless.  After they showed us a few of their dances, Katie and I proceeded to teach them the Macarena and the Cupid Shuffle.  It was a class period full of laughter, creativity, learning, and smiles (four of my favorite things about teaching).
We did a lot of other things while my mom and sister were there.  We took a trip over to the coast to meet the child that I sponsor through Compassion International.  This was an absolutely beautiful experience for everyone involved.  Perhaps I will write another blog on it...  After that we met back up with my dad in Nairobi and went on a safari, which was another beautiful experience, just in a different way.

    The whole time we were traveling around Kenya I would call Mama Betty everyday to get a report on how the baby chicks were doing.  Even since being home I get regular emails and picture/video updates on the coop.  My heart just aches to be there and see the chicks for myself, but I know they are in good hands and the Lubangas are so committed to taking care of them.  I can't wait for the day that I get a phone call telling me they started laying eggs!
   So, that is a very short recap of the rest of my time in Kenya.  Now that I am back in Michigan I am enjoying the time that God is blessing me with to spend with my family and friends.  I have really been convicted this last week about not wasting my time.  It is a little bit ironic that whenever my schedule is so busy I am always saying that I wish I had more time to do all of these things I want to do and spend time being still before the Lord, but now that I have all of this free time I am complaining too and I have not been dedicated to spending time listening to God and studying His word.  So, I have decided this week to hold myself more accountable to how I spend my days.  Feel free to hold me accountable as well!

Da coop da coop da coop is on fire

The chicken coop project has taken off and is in it's final stages! Wow wow, every time I pass it I just start smiling and feel almost giddy with happiness! We are hoping to have the baby chicks by the end of this week, just in time for my mom and sister to be a part of it! Thanks to all of you we have raised enough money to buy 200 chicks, but we are still praying that God will provide us with enough money to cover all of the vaccines and food until they become layers and are generating an income to support themselves. So, if you are still interested in being a part of the work I am doing here and helping to support the school I am teaching at, please send me a message via Facebook or an email at annawellemeyer@mac.com. Thank you thank you a million times from me, Mama Betty, and all the students here at Epico Jahns Academy!
Below is a picture of Mama Betty and myself with her cousin Rebecca who has been advising us with the coop. Rebecca works with the ministry of agriculture and has a true passion for farming and teaching others about farming. She has been a gift from God to us!