More from July 17, 2013
Going back
to my heart of stone… I had that picture in my head of a cold heart – of my
heart being covered with stone. Tonight
during worship (where I was of course crying) another staff member prayed with
me and said that as she was praying she saw my heart and saw arrows being shot
at it. Everywhere the arrows landed, my
heart was turning to stone. And that
although parts of my heart where being covered with stone the whole thing still
wasn’t covered. She prayed that Jesus would come and remove the arrows from my
heart and melt the stone away.
I have not
allowed myself to be blown away by God for awhile because I have been so
cynical and judgmental toward other Christians.
I have convinced myself that some things are corny and cliché. I
haven’t allowed God to “Wow” me or taken delight in the little things
because “that’s just the way life is… it’s nothing special.” But I am coming to see that as the lie that
it is. Every little thing is
special. Like the sound of raindrops on
the window or a tin roof. Every hug or smile that I give and get from a child here. Every cool breeze and every ray of sun that warms my skin. In an attempt
to be “real” and “authentic” I have actually leaned toward doing that in a very
pessimistic way that led to cynicism.
But being real means that I am real about everything, and if I am being
real, God has blessed me with being an optimist. I naturally see the world’s bright side. When bad things happen, I am not always
suppressing my feelings or being cliché or insincere by seeing the good in it,
because that is simply how I see and experience things naturally. So I want to start allowing myself to get
back to that person that God created me to be.
It is amazing that God gave both me and another staff a similar vision
of my heart. It gives me hope that God
is at work within me. Now, if I could just get out of the way and leave him to
it…
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